"Consult The Coach" Archives
Stuart Kaufman, MS, MBA
“The Real Estate Coach”

March 2008 - Volume 8, Issue 3

Q. Dear Coach:

I let my clients run my life. I answer my phone on my days off and evenings. I have a difficult time saying “NO” and I frequently put my client’s needs ahead of my family. It is taking a toll on me. What do you suggest?

Signed,

No Boundaries

A. Dear “No Boundaries”,

Having healthy boundaries is an essential ingredient for a healthy life and a healthy business. Maggie Down, a Counselor and Psychotherapist writes “Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits that define you as separate from another person. People with healthy boundaries have respect for other people’s feelings and beliefs, even if they are different from their own.”

When we don’t have clear boundaries or when we don’t communicate our boundaries, people don’t know where our limits are, so they proceed to do what works for them. In essence, we teach people how to treat us by the presence or absence of our boundaries.

Examples of healthy boundaries include: not answering your business phone at night, being able to appropriately say “No” to clients, and treating family obligations as a high priority.

I interviewed Leslie Newman, Owner/Managing Broker of RE/MAX Team One in Burien, Washington about her use of boundaries in her business and home. Here are her perspectives.

Leslie, what are some boundaries you have put in place for working with your Real Estate Clients?

• I let people know, up front (when I first meet them) my availability and ask about theirs. I let them know the times and days I am available. I let them know when I answer my phone (7am – 9pm). I also tell them that I do this so I can spend time with my husband and children.
• My clients appreciate and thank me for letting them know in advance my availability. About 50% of them acknowledge that they should do the same (have healthier boundaries) in their life.
• When scheduling appointments, I give people a choice of when to meet. This is a way I set boundaries without them actually knowing it.
• I turn my phone off in the car when I am with clients so we are not disturbed.

How and when do you communicate these boundaries to your clients?

• First meeting, in person - not over the phone

What boundaries do you have at home with your family?

• During dinner, there is no phone, text messaging, or TV.
• When we are in the car with our kids, no one talks on the phone.
• When we are in restaurants or family functions, everyone leaves their phones in the car.
• At home, every one turns off TVs, stereos, and phones at 9:00 pm. There is a sacredness of quiet.
• I am different from most Moms, but my kids, and their friends, respect our boundaries. I enforce our boundaries in a light and fun way, not heavy handed or punitive.

How do these boundaries benefit you?

• I am in control of my life.
• Boundaries provide me with peace of mind.
• I am modeling healthy behavior to my kids so that they do the same when they have children

What do you do when people trespass your boundaries?

• I respectfully stick to my boundaries and ask for what I need. I have never had to fire a client because they didn’t respect my boundaries.

What advice would you give to agents who don’t have or don’t enforce their boundaries?

• Pick one specific area to work on and practice a new behavior (e.g. turn off phone at 8:00 pm) Journal/write about how you felt doing the new behavior. As you master a behavior, add more. Be sure to let your clients and family know what you are doing and why you are doing it.
• Fear is what keeps us from doing what we most want to do. Confront your fears and get help if you need to.

Thanks Leslie!

To determine how well you are managing your boundaries and taking control of your life, take this free “Personal Boundaries Assessment” by visiting: www.stuartkaufman.com/print/boundaries.html.

Our boundaries help define our sense of self, they protect us, they put us in charge of our own lives, and they promote healthy relationships – Maggie Down.

About the Author:
Stuart Kaufman, MS, MBA, is a Real Estate Business Coach who has coached, trained, and inspired over 1,500 Real Estate Professionals to take their business to the next level while taking time to enjoy themselves and their families. He is a regular contributor to numerous Real Estate publications nationwide and is the head administrator of the Puget Sound School of Real Estate in Seattle, WA. Stuart can be contacted at coach@stuartkaufman.com or 206-725-1584.

© Copyright 2008, Metamorphosis Coaching. All Rights Reserved.

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